Rubik's Cube, Vol I, Issue i

I’m Fairly Certain the Color Printer is Lying to Me
by Dr. H Miller

What started as a creeping suspicion has turned into a sinking certainty. The office color printer is almost definitely lying to me. At first it was small things. It would tell me it needed toner suspiciously soon after a new cartridge had been inserted. Then it was saying it needed to be manually fed the legal paper for no discernible reason. Now, however, it is feeding me blatant bull$hit about paper jams in trays that don’t exist.

Well, I’ve had it. The day I take cow flop about needing to perform printer maintenance from a machine is the day hell freezes over. If this crappy Photojet 3000 thinks I’m buying into its ruse of making me inspect its innards for 15 minutes like some sort of mechanical gynecologist, it is sorely mistaken.

I know there’s no input error. Stop lying to me. Is this because I accidentally print things twice sometimes? Is it because I ignore your pleas for toner? Perhaps my jibes at your lackluster colors cut too deep. While I’m sorry if this is the case, this reaction demeans us both. No matter how many times I push the help button, you just give me the same emotionless reaction as always. We’ll never solve our differences unless we get to the root of the problem. But if covering up wounds with fibs is your tune, don’t expect me to dance, motherf*cker. If you persist in this charade, I’m going to jack you up like Terry Tate and upend you into a neighboring cubicle. Think I’m bluffing? Try me, Photojet 3000. Just try me.

Turns out Newton was right...

You've all seen the red delicious a little ooc...
...now, proof that she hasn't fallen far from the tree.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcMMshE_iZo

"it is better to have laughed and laughed than never to have laughed at all."

As Dorothy says...

…there’s no place like home.

After escaping the london fog and the stl airport (my luggage wasn’t so lucky), stop 1: bread co.; stop 2: home for a little imos pizza.

next morning david and katie stopped by after their escape from denver
Afternoon was spent shopping; evening was spent (once again) eating...
Mom fixin up some tasty brisket (notice the rolls pre-oven… and not burned)
We try…
…but cannot escape the camera
After dinner, an intense game of spoons...
...played for some reason with plastic forks ...

...the result of which was…

Anyway, on to xmas eve – always my favorite day of the year. After my second annual trip to the dome (where the rams were OT winners and ryan set a new record in the 100-yard dash), it was back home for church and presents…

…but not before a little cookie decorating

that's good work son...

and (once again) picture taking

moving on…three bottles and an hour later... it was downstairs to pool... and mariah carey intepretive dance... (I can't upload videos to this thing, but don't you worry, the youtube account will be up and running soon. link to follow asap)

Xmas day…over the river

And through the woods (where else but in the Midwest would you see a mailbox like this…or beer this cheap)

...to grandmothers house we go. As always, my compliments to the chef.

Well, that’s all folks…
Coming soon...mama hodel hits broadway, and you won't want to miss it.

Welcome back to London

Just a few quick thoughts on america after my brief return visit…

1. cut a hole in a box
2. put your…ok, I’ll stop there :)
3. where else but in america could an old, busted-face 60-year-old make a few million dollars by running up some stairs and punching a bag.
4. I heart real skippy
5. I heart engagements
6. champagne power day. On the hour, every hour. !Sun nien fai lok!
7. bootleg dvds…
8. starring matt damon in the very, very bad shepherd
9. urban sprawl
10. fat people
11. open water
12. imos pizza.
13. cheap beer, cheap food, cheap entertainment, cheap transportation…shit, everything’s cheap.
14. i still love bud light
15. it’s never too early to start planning for new years in newark 2008.

Oh…and this guy – huge in europe – not as big in america… maybe it was all the salt water??

The Big Apple...

After getting my ass kicked in the nielsten foosball drinking game in CT, I decided to try my luck in the big city.

The night began here... where we ate crappy food and drank crappy beer...

but were in good company...

hold on, hold on, who's this guy with the cell phone??

wait, let me prepare my fake smile for the group pic...

after dinner, cotton candy...

apparently no one told adoue it's the warmest winter on record...

inside ace bar...complete shenanigans...and skeeball...

look at that form...look at that crowd...

not sure what you call this in the UK...

anyway, on to the match... both look loose in pregame warmups...

but then look at that concentration...

(for the record, the cute c.lay won)

I don't know what to say to this bortz...

perhaps nielsten has a comment...

nope, looks like he's busy...

anyway, moving on... the many faces of mbi...

...the many hodels...

...the shimmy???

Sorry, we are currently experiencing technical difficulties. If and when I get this video up, you will enjoy it.

...the corndog???

I'm speachless... so, I must say goodnight.

tomorrow...impressions of america.

I'm baaaaaack........

The phoenix has risen my friends. After a month of fun in the sun (ok, only part of it was fun… and none of it was in the sun) I am ready to post with a vengeance.

Today, though, I have to ease myself back into things. So, just a few random thoughts…

- With Becks moving to America, I may just have to follow… spanks, room for me on your couch?

- Bleiman's new job (and fitness routine) in Chi-town.

http://video.uk.msn.com/v/en-gb/v.htm?g=C58A56EC-AF9D-4817-B8AC-6BAA0C972603&t=s73&f=&fg

- And just in case you were curious...

Tea makes up around 40% of the UK’s fluid intake.
Black tea contain no calories – adding semi-skimmed milk adds around 13 calories per cuppa.
Four cups of tea with milk will provide you with 16% of your recommended daily calcium intake.
A cup of tea contains around half the caffeine of a cup of coffee.
Tea also contains zinc and folic acid as well as the minerals potassium and manganese.
Tea is an excellent source of fluoride.

Ok, here’s a sneak peek of what’s in store… come back tomorrow folks.

THE STL
…some got jobs and some sell yea, others…

MAMA HODEL
…words cannot describe this… well, her quotes do an ok job, but the song and dance tell it best…

AMERICA
…just a few observations from my time home…

NYC
…the city that never sleeps... because it’s too busy trying to make me pass out…

MY ROOMMATE…a survival story...